Whom shall i marry

Slow but Steady wins the race

BEFORE YOU RUSH INTO MARRIAGE

Read diligently and find that you seek…..
This write up is made up of 5 parts (read them accordingly):

- Introduction

- 8 Facts to consider before rushing into marriage

- The One and only possible illusion when we are in love

- Danger Signs to see in a potential partner to consider and either back-off

- Finally whom shall I marry

1) Health: physical and mental. Marrying a sick person will without doubt throw an added strain on the marriage. Will your love for that person be strong enough to take the strain, day in day out?

HEALTH

2) Character: What kind of person is he or she? What are his/her qualities? Why not try to make a short list of them. On one side there are the good ones. Perhaps he/she is kind, honest, thoughtful, and so on. And then there are the bad ones. She is lazy, He drinks too much, He is not very serious about his religion.

CHARACTER

3)Attitudes: Ask yourself what is his/her attitude to various people. To things that will very much part of your life together. How does he/she see children, money, decision-making in the home? His/her attitude to work, religion etc. Find out what kind of deep beliefs he/she has. What are his/her opinions on this and that? The more you know about the other person, the better position you are in making a good decision.

ATTITUDE

4) Tribe: In the past, people nearly always married within the tribe. But now it is more and more common to find people marrying a person from another tribe. There was much to be said for the old ways. It meant you both had the same customs and the same background very often. You were in a better position to understand one another and to know what to expect. But, on the other hand, one can also say that a new richness and understanding can come from marrying outside one’s tribe. It is not as important a factor as it was in past.

TRIBE

5) Social background: People generally marry people of the same background. By this we mean people of the same social level. Peter’s parents are farmers, as are Cecilia’s. It is not surprising for Peter and Cecilia to marry. But it will be a little surprising to see Paul who is very rich marrying Theresa whose parents are poor. It would be more surprising if Theresa’s parents were very rich and Paul’s parents very poor. If this happens some adaptation will be needed as well as an acceptance of one another’s family as they are without shame.

SOCIAL BACKGROUND - THE RICH AND POOR

6) Education: People often like to marry people with the same general education, particularly in the case of a one – to – one marriage. In Africa, it is common to find the husband a little more educated than his wife. Some men like to feel that they are “superior” to their wife in this matter of schooling. Generally, however, marriages tend to be happier where both have the same general educational background. They can then discuss together, share views and ideas on different matters, and enrich one another.

EDUCATION

7) Religion: Religion, as belief in God and living in the light of this belief, is part of our way of life. It is an everyday part of any successful marriage. He is a Catholic because he is convinced of this or that teaching. He tries to live according to these beliefs. She is a Baptist because she believes in the teaching of her church. That other person is a Muslim for he believes in the teachings of the prophet Mohammed.
Our religious beliefs are very much part of ourselves. We don’t want to change them. We feel we are on the right path, and, if so, it is natural and right that we should hold on to them. Marrying a person of one’s own religion is fairly solid rule to follow. It ensures that the two people will think in much the same way about God, Christ, the Church, the Sacraments. They will be able to talk together about their common faith. They will educate their children in this common faith they share.
But sometimes it does not happen this way. Very often it is custom here for the wife to follow the religion of her husband after marriage. Perhaps she was Methodist, he is Catholic. In such a custom there is always a certain amount of force involved. I cannot become a catholic simply because my husband is one. And it is wrong for the catholic husband to expect his wife to follow his church without her believing it to be right.
When two people of different religions marry and remain members of their churches, there is need for tolerance and respect. Each has to learn about God from the other. He is – or – should be – the same god for both of them.

RELIGION

8) Love: How important is it to love my future partner? How does one know one is in love? These questions and many others often trouble those planning to marry.
On this question, perhaps the words of a young married woman whom we know will help us: “I know I am in love with somebody not only if I can live with him but, more importantly, if I cannot live without him.”